Loneliness

During my time at university as an undergrad, I battled with an incredible sense of loneliness. Living at home with my parents, there was always someone home but as soon as they left me on that fateful first night, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was so close to tears. I was shocked at myself because I was more than happy to be on my own for once but I don’t think I knew what that truly meant. This day marked the beginning of a battle I never thought I’d have to fight.

Being alone and being lonely are not always the same thing. Loneliness is an overwhelming sense of isolation – sometimes even in the midst of people. I longed to be alone but I never imagined loneliness could be so awful. However, in that pain and upon reflection of it, as always, God showed Himself and made His intentions and purposes for such times very clear. I don’t believe God orchestrated that time because it was a clear attack on my joy and even aspects of my mental health. I do however believe that just as He promised, He made it work out for my good.

If you are struggling with loneliness please know that God loves you. He loves you deeply and He loves you truly. If He didn’t, He wouldn’t have sent His son to die for your sins. Draw near to Him in this time and He promises to draw near to you.

When faced with loneliness it is important to note that, yes God is with you but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t desire human companionship. There is a thin line between a desire and an obsession. If a desire isn’t managed well it becomes an obsession and obsession is idolatry, a sin. Human companionship was seen as ‘good’ by God. When Adam was alone, it was ‘not good,’ this highlights to me the power of relationship. Having the right people around lifts our spirits, gives us perspective and expands our thinking. All of these things God can do but He made us relational beings so that through our relationships with others, we can learn more about our relationship with Him, as well as His nature.

Loneliness is a time of vulnerability, we become easy pickings for the enemy. Our mind, in that situation, is fertile soil for negative thoughts so it is important to seek out the right company. As I stated earlier, loneliness is a time of vulnerability, it can lead us to seek the wrong company and make things worse rather than better. Reach out to family or old friends and make a conscious effort to be present. The grip of the enemy is tight but it isn’t too tight for God. Pray. If you are a person that finds it difficult to talk to others, all I can say is practice. It is not okay to be trapped in the prison of your mind. We have been set free and we must enjoy that freedom with all our mind, body and soul.

Leading on from this idea of the right company, we must meditate on the right things too. When lonely, boredom isn’t far off and we may begin to indulge in what I sometimes call ‘soul poison.’ What is soul poison? Well, my good friend, it is anything we indulge in that makes us feel good or numb whilst we are in it but leaves us feeling much worse than when we first began. It is self-soothing and can come in the form of food, tv, social media, etc. Beware! Again these things steal our joy and leave an emptiness in their trail, the more we are void of the things of God, the greater the space for the enemy to run riot. These soul poisons often fuel negativity and make us not much fun to be around. Philippians 4:8 tells us all the types of things we should think about, these thoughts do not just come, they take effort, much more effort than binge-watching or binge-eating but the internal value is great and the eternal value is greater.

Finally, time alone is good, separating yourself for a short time often brings clarity, focus and can be a useful tool for re-connection or strengthened connection with God. Use time alone wisely but do not isolate yourself all in the name of ‘God is all I need’ because we most definitely need people too. Do not isolate yourself after tragedy or sadness, this is elite playtime for satan. Go to God and go to His people. Time alone is good but loneliness isn’t. We need each other and we definitely need God.