Singleness is…

First and foremost, I want to say a HUGE thank you to the people that have contributed their beautiful thoughts to this post. May God bless you.

This post is based loosely on 1st Peter 5:9

Resist him (the devil), stand firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world (ESV).

One thing the devil likes to do is catch us when we are or could be the most vulnerable. He riddles the mind with fear and doubt, causing us to feel crippled and alone. This post is to encourage singles. You are not alone in how you feel, this does not mean dwell on it and throw a pity party, it means be strong, hold on, God Almighty has got you and your situation. Singleness is not suffering as we know suffering to be. However it is a time of hardship, seeing others with what you want. Thinking that you’re doing something wrong. The thoughts that often plague our minds and hearts because of a position that we won’t be kept in for longer than God intends, are sometimes scary. However, you, you, me, them and the others are not the only single people in the world (although it may feel like it!!!). There is a purpose and there is a plan. Singleness can be a waste or a blessing. What will you choose?

Lets get started! A few days before Valentines I asked people to tell me what singleness meant to them and this is what they had to say:

IBK…

Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? Maybe I should lose weight? Maybe I’m not successful enough? Not rich enough? I must be the problem, it must be me. I’m not good enough…or maybe, just maybe I’m not the problem? The very things I saw as my downfall I started to see differently. Maybe the reason I am still single is God is preparing my Adam for the woman He made me. A man who does not appreciate me for who I am obviously doesn’t see the God in me. Ima wait…wait for the man who will love me and all my wobbly bits. Wait for the man who won’t expect me to put Him first but will happily come second to the King of my heart (Jesus) as he takes his place as the caretaker of my heart. Wait for the man who will push me closer to my Saviour. Wait for the man who will love me as Christ loves the church. Wait for the man who ‘gets it.’

Eman Elite…

Being single to me is all about trying to figure out what it is you do and don’t desire in a partner. It is a time to prepare both mentally and physically to be in a committed relationship. A lot of guys claim to be single because they can’t find the right girl but they are busy messing with every girl that smiles at them. Me personally I have been single for so long because I am yet to find a girl who can accept me for not being your typical ‘man’ who is masculine, built, sporty and so on.

I loved Mr Elite’s honesty here as he touched on male issues that are ridiculed (masculinity) or glamorized (promiscuity). Singleness is testing.

H…

Singleness is your time to focus on loving yourself (as cliche as it sounds). Being single has taught me things that I didn’t know about myself when I was in a relationship. I’m more patient and I have the ability to love willingly and freely as opposed to out of fear and I am genuinely a happier person now. 

Singleness is a time for growth.

F…

I’ve learnt that with singleness, patience is very important and it is also important to put your singleness in the hands of God. There is a purpose for the journey one must take in singleness which will then allow us to be ready for the journey of marriage. Everything is up to God. Singleness and marriage have no time schedule. 

Singleness is a journey. Singleness is patience.

S…

Singleness means to me a time of freedom like no other. It means getting to do the things I want to do and not having to think about it affecting someone else and getting to know every part of myself (as much as possible) before giving that to someone else. It prepares me for life spent with the man that God will unify me with in furthering His kingdom whilst I have space and time to ensure I’m in love with the Trinity more than that man. 

Singleness is freedom.

L…

Singleness is a time of self discovery/ discovery of ourselves in Christ. A time to develop and begin to fulfil God’s purpose for our lives.

Singleness is purposeful.

H…

Personally, singleness isn’t just about being prepared for marriage. It’s about truly knowing GOD and aiming to live the lifestyle he intends for me to live. It’s about strengthening my relationship with him and gaining knowledge of his word. Importantly, it’s understanding my identity in Christ. Everything else comes after this foundation, including marriage. And If the foundation is unstable anything built on it will fall. Singleness for me is also time to prepare myself for marriage, understanding how to interact with family, my vision, knowing what my ministry is will help when it comes to meeting my companion. I believe to really have a fruitful marriage I must optimise my time now. Learning to better myself, knowing that I won’t always getting right, stripping myself of pride, speaking to people in marriage, staying in the word, learning discipline are all things I can do now before it makes married life hard. Will I get it right now? Probably not but I’m striving to be perfected now

Singleness is time for preparation.

Emz…

During my single season, when I started to have what I like to call an active and reciprocating relationship with Christ. I had this crazy idea that I had to seek the Kingdom of God, be more intimate with him and serve him diligently + then in return I will be blessed with a spouse. Somehow, I had adopted this mindset that as a single person that was my purpose. It’s crazy, I know and many people are reading this in shock but how many of you at one point in time, had this relationship with God ? We started to idolize relationships + gradually fix our focus and energy into our future mates, instead of winning souls for the Kingdom, serving in our churches and communities, raising disciples and all the lovely other things God calls us to do as his kids.

One day, God told me to read his word and I came across delight in the bible. It stuck out on the page and I started studying what it meant to delight in the Lord. Do you know that in every season of our life we are to delight in the Lord? Even if your single season ends up being your whole entire life on earth. We like to think that some things come in seasons and pass away but it’s possible to be called to a life of singleness. The question was then raised, Will I still delight in the Lord and feel fulfilled if I never get married, if I die a virgin and don’t get kids of my own? Will I still delight in his ways + the law ? Sounds dramatic but the truth is not everyone is going to be married, so will we trust his plan for our lives and be devoted to him trusting completely in his ways or will we play single? Being busybodies to get noticed, seeking to please God only to get something out of God like he’s a genie.

Singleness is a time to seek God because He’s God.
Singleness is time to get real.
 

I hope this has helped anybody that felt alone in their current situation. To desire is not wrong or bad. When a desire becomes desperation or idolatry, that is the point where we have a problem. Let’s pray for contentment with the season we are in or the life we have been given. No matter what season we are in, God desires that we be sanctified during it. If bitterness and sadness are the markers of your season, reevaluate. That was not what it was designed for. Be encouraged though, take everything to God He knows just what He’s doing 😊