‘Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give to your husband.’ Maybe you have heard this before, maybe such a statement is new to you but this is a mentality that is out there. You may agree, you may not.
If you follow me on twitter (@_folakemi) then you would have seen my slightly comical tirade in response to this phrase. I understand the sentiment but I cannot agree with such a line of thought. There is so much danger in it. I am just going to lay out a few points that came to mind when I saw that phrase. Now I just want to say that I have not fully elaborated on every point like I would like to, so if you have any questions please leave a comment.
- Virginity seems to have been fetishized. The depraved mind has twisted a moment where both a man and woman should be giving themselves to each other in love after making a covenant before God and man, into a man treating a woman as a present to be unwrapped by him first, a mountain that he was the first to conquer. A trophy, medal of honour rather than a reflection of a lifestyle of purity, not for him but for her first love, Christ Jesus, which continues long after marriage might I add.
- Does this phrase mean that a man can live a life of fornication and unrepentant promiscuity yet still win the prize of a virgin bride because he is entitled to such?
- Does a wife not equally deserve the gift of virginity from her husband? Or is that too much to ask ‘in this day and age’?
- This phrase insinuates there is something perhaps impure about non-virgins yet pure about virgins. Virginity is not synonymous with purity, perhaps in an ideal world, maybe. Being a virgin is about so much more than not having been penetrated (excuse my crudeness). If the mind of a virgin is constantly on sex, if her body has been seen naked by countless men, touched by many hands, if she does not have a renewed mind, a mind like Christ Jesus, remains unrepentant, is her virginity still ‘the best gift?’ (Matthew 5:28).
- What of the repentant non-virgin? Who’s mind has been washed by the blood of the lamb and has repented and become a new creation in Christ Jesus, is she not the best gift because her husband has not been able to satisfy his fantasy of being the first to ‘conquer’ her?
- A woman has so much to offer her husband, in fact, the world, so to state that her most precious gift to her husband is her virginity is to belittle her Creator and the time He took to create, define and commission her to do great works in this world.
- Do people even know why they have chosen to remain a virgin (or celibate)? Was/is it just a lack of opportunity? It’s more than just bragging rights. It’s more than “for my husband/wife.” It’s more than for the sake of bride price (I joke..slightly). Why are you a virgin? Why are you celibate? Who is the reason? What is the reason? Is it God centred?
- My ultimate irritation with the phrase is its gendered nature. Our society has warped chastity, virginity and purity into being for girls only or for very strange men. IT’S A LIE!! Purity is for a heart seeking God. Virginity is not just a physical state but a lifestyle. Not being a virgin is not a death sentence. With Christ and His saving grace, we are the best gifts to our spouses regardless of our past. IN Christ Jesus there is no condemnation.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.