My journey over the past 3/4 years has been one of loneliness and sadness because of said loneliness. My last year at university was particularly difficult. However this was the point of recognition and breakthrough. I desired someone to comfort me and relieve my loneliness. Often when a new person would come into my life I’d latch to them and pour the part of my heart I let people into, out for them. I’d be satisfied for a while but then the relationship would fizz out and I’d be back to square one. Then one day God made me realise, sometimes He takes people out of our lives so we don’t give them the devotion we are supposed to give Him. This would be idolatry and He wants us to move from said idols to devotion to Him because He is a spring that never runs dry if we drink of Him, what is thirst? Being content in Christ alone is beautiful, human companions are a wonderful bonus. God is not a cruel and unkind manipulator. He is a kind and loving Father, the wages of sin (in this case idolatry) is death and He does not want any of His children to die but have everlasting life. He alone can fill our void and no matter how hard we look for satisfaction/comfort elsewhere, He alone can satisfy us and comfort us fully. Who better to comfort you than the person that knows just where you’re hurting?
I am not sure at which point exactly God broke me free from the bondage of loneliness but I remember feeling lighter at one point and not bothered by not having people to turn to or a friend who’d call regularly “just because,” I was fine. Relying on God for comfort by delving into His word and being at peace with this season has been amazing. Occasionally I feel a sudden bout of self-pity at my lack of popularity but now more than ever I can battle it with God’s truth. “This too shall pass” “HE will never leave nor forsake me” and so many other truths have comforted me on many occasions. Knowing that the “wilderness” is a place for growth and not sorrow is important. Having a period of undivided attention to God should not be taken for granted. David was alone in the wilderness for a long time receiving training from God. Imagine if He had been so discontent with that period of time that His focus was on doing what His brothers were doing or he was busy complaining about His loneliness and He missed out on all God’s teachings and training?! In David’s time alone he practiced slinging stones and became confident that whatever he aimed at would be hit. Now imagine David was sulking instead of doing something with his time, the story of David and Goliath may have been a completely different one!
Anything we go through is for bants our good, it’s to conform us to His likeness and bring glory to Him. So let us embrace it, tears and all, God sees and knows why He does what He does. Although at the time we are going through whatever it may be, it does not seem like something to be joyful about, trust me, it is. I thank God for taking me out of the loop, it’s so frustrating sometimes but in these times I’ve been able to write blogs, make videos, pray, read my bible (actually read and digest, not just reading for the sake of it), I’ve heard God, I’ve experienced His peace, He has comforted me and taught me, I’ve used what He’s taught me. It’s been a journey, I don’t know when it will end but I know it will and I know I’ll miss it (lol – I also know it will probably happen again) but I know I will reap the fruit of every moment spent alone, just me and God. Training brings strength right? Take advantage of your wilderness or battle and don’t let it pass by without learning from it. Don’t let it pass by without growing closer and closer still to Christ so that when it’s over you can use what you learnt for the next battle (our days are full of trouble – Job 14:1) and you don’t have to start again, you’re just delving deeper into knowledge of who God is everyday.
God is with me, I will not fall, His word said that, so really and truly my ‘loneliness’ was just a lie of the devil, God is with me AND He’s supporting me! Had I known this before I may still have felt the same but it would not have been my life, it would not have consumed me to the point of pain like it did. I would not have sought and occasionally seek (to a lesser extent) comfort in humans so desperately. But do you know what? I-THANK-GOD!
Having said all this, in my darkest time struggling with loneliness, God sent me an amazing friend, whom I am forever grateful for.