But you’re pretty…

If I had a pound for every time I heard this response to me being single…I wouldn’t be a millionaire but I’d have some spare change. Singleness is not a disease that can be cured by a beautiful exterior. If this were true there would be no lonely ‘beautiful’ people out there. Work on the interior, the goal is not to be perfect before entering a relationship but to be strong in Christ. This way, when prince charming comes, your purpose isn’t put on hold but given a new dimension.

This ‘but you’re pretty’ response to singleness fails to take into account:

•  wolves in sheep’s clothing – men  boys that will deceive you purposely
• trophy hunters – males that want you simply because of your appearance
• men boys that like the idea of being in a relationship but because you want to wait until marriage, either leave or string you along whilst they get their fix elsewhere
• Males that simply aren’t ready for a relationship but want to keep you around

Ladies I know you can relate to at least one of these and have probably experienced all sorts in your time of singleness.

This response to singleness can also shatter confidence. The person saying it may have the best intentions at heart, however it begs the question ‘I’m pretty, so what’s wrong with me then?’ and has you thinking: ‘maybe that guy wasn’t so bad’ ‘maybe I should give Johnny a chance’ (even though the friends advising you towards him wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole) ‘is sex before marriage that bad’ and a whole plethora of other thoughts.

Sister girl there is nothing wrong with you, God is sifting and sorting on your behalf as long as you are putting all interests (potential and immediate) into His hands, just know that the Holy Spirit is in control (Proverbs 3:5-6). In my time as a single pringle I have learnt so much about myself. The ultimate lesson being that I have alot of growing to do. I would not have seen this if I was wrapped up in trying to grow with someone else. Take the time you have alone to discover yourself, to discover God, after all He is going to be the centre of your future relationship. Who am I? Who is God? Knowing and understanding the answer to both these questions will lead to a relationship that leaves no room for compromise or a loss of ones self.

Friends and family think they know whats best, God alone knows whats best and has it all worked out to the T (Jeremiah 29:11).

Keep your eye on the cross and put your future spouse into prayer and God will do the rest. Follow God’s lead, don’t settle for a rock that has been painted gold, wait for God to bring you the real deal. Don’t force yourself, don’t lower your standards (unless they are unrealistic (pray and go to the word if you are unsure what a real man of God should be like) and/or ungodly, (in that case just change them). All our journey’s are different, don’t compare yourself, that is the ultimate thief of joy. Romans 12:12.

Lastly, don’t expect Mr Perfect or Mr fits everyone’s idea of who you should be with, expect a man who will love you as Christ loved the church. Expect a man who you can grow with. He may be flawed but so are you.

Disclaimer: this is a collation of lived and shared experience. I know nothing but what God has shown me through my own life and the life of others around me.