I promise, this won’t become a mummy blog 😂 but motherhood has taught me so much, I’ve just got to share. This post isn’t as extensive as I would like it to be because we will be here all day but I hope you are blessed.
Around last year, it dawned on me just how closely my career as a teacher plays into my role as ‘mummay.’ So let’s dive right in.
- Constant scrutiny – In the world of teaching, we have the dreaded OFSTED, routine lesson observations, scrutiny of lesson plans, performance reviews and so many other ways that we are constantly watched and judged. I felt and feel this in parenting too. Someone will always have something to say about what you’ve done or not done, there’s always a better way to do things. A new gadget, a new technique that everyone knows about but you. There’s. Always. Something. What teaching taught me is the importance of not taking anything personal even when it seems to be. If you are parenting with God, you can trust that He is the one leading. However, it’s easy to ignore outside voices to our own detriment, this is why it is important to parent with God. Trust that in all the noise, God can speak. In all the unsolicited advice and scrutiny, God can speak. So when you are feeling watched, remember, its not personal. People have regrets, desires to help and so on, ask God for the wisdom to navigate all of these without losing His mandate for your own child/ren.
- Routines are important – There was a time I visited a nursery and the teacher was talking about the importance of routines and how 2 and 3 year olds are not too young for them. I don’t think I realised how much this impacted me until I had my own child years later. In any classroom you walk into, there will be a routine. In every school, there will be a overall routine for the day; lunch is at a particular time, break is at a particular time etc. Why is this necessary? Routines create a safe space for children, they know what is coming next. This, for some children, is a stark contrast to the chaos that they may experience at home. In the early days, we worked very hard to have a consistent bedtime for Eliana The time was always roughly the same but the activities around it varied and that’s okay because that’s life. This was HARD but now if her behaviour is off, we have a point of reference (sometimes) and can extend extra grace, for example. Another routine is, when she comes into the house, she knows that shoes come off and are put into a particular place, this teaches responsibility and also holds us as parents accountable because if we don’t do it, how can we expect it from our little ones?
- The kids are always watching – Let me start this with, God is working on me and I’ve come a long way, amen lol! In my early days as a teacher, I would be very sarcastic with my kids but I had to curb this because I noticed they started doing it to each other and I did not like how ugly it looked. We need to die to self in this hood of parenting because those little eyes are watching and those little ears are listening. You can tell them as much as you like but if you don’t model it, don’t expect them to live it out.
- Reflection is key – In my teacher training, we were constantly told about how reflective we had to be about our practice and I believe this is important for parenthood as well. Are you aware of your tone, how your upbringing is negatively or positively influencing your parenting? Can you apologise? Can you realise when something is not working and try something different? I try to be as aware of my emotional and mental state when interacting with my daughter as possible but other times I’m too tired for that (you know what its like 😅). Ultimately, parenting requires looking inwards but not to shame and to condemn ourselves but to grow and improve as people and raise children who are reflective and responsive too.
- There’s always something to do – In my early days of teaching, I would stay after work quite late trying to catch up, prepare for the next day or add to what I had already done. There was always something more that could be done. A lot of the time, the extras made it difficult to remember who I was supposedly doing it all for – the children. Parenting for me can sometimes be like this. There is always more I feel like I could be doing. If it’s not cleaning the house, it’s the endless pile of laundry: I don’t need to think too hard to find something to do. Sometimes, in getting caught up in these things, I’d find myself getting a little frustrated with Eliana. One thing I started saying to myself when she was younger was that I will not treat her like she’s naughty just because I’m overwhelmed or tired. She is not being malicious, she wants her mum. So I had to find balance, sometimes there is more screen time than I’m happy with, sometimes I call a cleaner, sometimes the pile of laundry grows and starts its own family. I’m also allowed to feel my feels but not camp there. At the end of the day what really matters is what we pour in to our children. Those are the things that will speak in years to come. This leads perfectly into my last thought for this post which is…
- ‘Tis only for a season – As a primary teacher, I’ve only had any one class for a year and then they move on and I get new kids. In this year, I have to teach, reteach, impact and shape lives for the better. I haven’t always gotten it right but I know by God’s grace I’ve been able to impact at least one child. God willing we will see our own children through many seasons and although the days may be long, the time truly is short and goes in the blink of an eye. They won’t always depend on us for everything, the house won’t always be more upside down than right side up. What matters is what you do in those seasons. How you introduce Jesus, how you model Him, the games you play, the stories you read a million times, the pretend sips you take from a toy cup which they cannot see is dirty (🥲). I’ve not yet met an adult who laments the love or words of affirmation their parents poured into them, it’s usually the lack there of that causes those wounds that take so long to heal.
Children are a gift but it does not mean they are not hard work. If there is anything else I’ve learnt as a teacher, it’s to make sure I am connected to God to fill me up for the day, week, month etc because in the disconnect, burn out is not too far. God is our strength and present help, lean on Him and He will carry you as you steward His children. It’s not easy, we will get tired but it’s worth it in the end.
Until next time x