Welcome, welcome, welcome!
So it has been 7 months for us and it’s been a beautiful journey thus far. As I was washing the plates (the chore I hate the most), I was inspired to write a Dear New Bride 2. The aim being to give encouragement and entertain (you know I love to entertain girl) I do not profess to be the bearer of all knowledge, I just love to share what I learn. So let’s get started.
Dear New Bride,
I know things haven’t been as perfect as you had imagined a little bit further into the marriage, reality has set in, your differences are showing even more and everything seems like effort but hold on! The devil is really fighting against healthy God-centred marriages and healthy God-centred people. Leading me to my first point which is that forgiveness must be intentional and daily, hourly, minutely, secondly, milisecondly. Why? Because the man you married is a flawed human being, just like you. Forgiveness does not just happen, sometimes you may have to address your husband (in a way that still honours him and God) about what he said, or did and how it made you feel. Other times you have to address your own insecurities and how they can colour your vision/hearing. Then, there are those special times where you just have to report him to God!
Leading on from this, it is so so so so SO sOoOoOo important to communicate your feelings. There is nothing worse for your relationship than holding your husband hostage emotionally because of needs/wants/expectations that were not communicated. Don’t sulk, talk (my husband will laugh when he see’s this because I can be champion of all sulkers -sometimes- but I’m learning :D). For example, I used to S-U-L-K!!!!! when my beloved would not send me a message during the day to see how I was doing. I kept this up for the longest time, until one day I decided to talk to him about it. He has improved in this area but needs reminders sometimes and that’s okay. I am learning the importance of extending grace and patience because I know my God does that for me everyday.
GRACE
In the spirit of extending grace and being patient, we may begin to compare our husband and our marriage to others. Well Harry does xyz for Meghan and treats her this way and says that to her but my husband doesn’t. As soon as these ideas come, you need to rebuke them. Comparison really and truly is the thief of joy and will leave you resentful as quickly as you can say Jesus is Lord. Instead, create the environment for the things you want and express these wants, lead by example, express how you feel about certain things and pray (there are things that won’t come naturally to your man and only the Holy Spirit can do that work in him). What people present to the world is not always the product of what is happening on the inside, so if your grass is looking a little dull, you know what you need to do.
Another thing I’ve learnt is the importance of having a hobby as a wife. Hollywood has made us believe that staring into each other’s eyes and just chilling together all day every day is the norm of marriage. No sis, they are liars and the truth is not in them. Your husband may enjoy playing football with the mandem, playing FIFA, watching football (you see the theme right) etc. You need to have your own things that can keep you occupied in that time. There is nothing worse (well there is but you get my drift) than a clingy wife that makes her husband feel bad for wanting to do things without her. If you had no hobbies previously, find one; read, exercise, have some quiet time with God, practice a new dish, watch films, call your friends, set up a business, anything. Time doing things separately is good and will not ruin your marriage. In saying this, it is also good to find ways that you can enjoy what he enjoys, together (bring him into the things you enjoy too). If your husband particularly enjoys football for example, watch it with him every so often; learn the names of the players, learn about the different positions and understand why it’s such a great thing for Arsenal that Wenger has left. Your King should also know the importance of setting your concealer and the difference between a frontal and a closure, this is no one way street.
Be discerning
Beware of advisors. They come in many forms. There’s the ‘o your husband doesn’t do that for you? Wow I would NOT have that.’ The ‘if I were you..’ The ‘all men cheat, just be careful.’ The ‘rah you have a joint account…well my aunty’s, cousin’s, daughter did that and her husband was sending the money to his 5th wife.’ There are so many advisors and they sow seeds which can grow into mistrust and confusion. Always be ready to defend your marriage and your husband, it may seem extra but if you don’t do it, nobody will. Also the way you talk about your marriage is the way others will too. All of this is not to say that there aren’t some well-meaning people with good things to say, just be discerning.
Lastly, SEX. So you’ve got your groove, or maybe you haven’t (that’s okay too, you have a lifetime to perfect it) just remember to be intentional and confident. Try new things, initiate, say what you like and don’t like, ask your husband about his likes and dislikes. Explore each other, wear matching underwear and make sure that somehow someway your husband sees it (set the mood from early girl, let that image be etched in his mind!) and live the best of your best life sis!!! – I’d recommend a book that I received as a present from a friend called ‘The good girl’s guide to great sex’ (it’s a Christian book) by Sheila Wray Gregoire, it’s a very helpful and entertaining read.
