This post is from the heart. Not like the rest aren’t but this one more so.
For months I let myself go spiritually. I wasn’t reading the word, I wasn’t praying and I wasn’t fellowshipping (correct me if I made this word up lol!). I was far from God and it was an unbearable pain. I’d never had such an experience before.
The question that you may be asking is “why?” How did I let that happen? My honest answer looking back, is that I was complacent. I was at what I thought was the peak of my walk, everything was going smoothly, I was growing, I was joyful, life was good. So I did what any human is inclined to do and relaxed. In my arrogance I said sleep is important, these deadlines are important, I need a social life too…Then days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. Sin took over, I felt ashamed, God doesn’t want to hear from me. Look how I continue to let Him down, I’m a fraud…undeserving. Before long I found myself in a pit. Wanting to get out but not being able to. Wanting to pray, read, fast, fellowship but feeling an actual physical restraint against it. I was spiritually sick, thats what it felt like. I was malnourished and it was affeccting my whole world.
My symptoms were
-negativity
-lack of focus
-sin
-confusion
-anger
And so much more. I was not comfortable with this place, I knew it wasn’t for me but I didn’t know how to get out and felt like maybe I even deserved to be there. Thank God for His grace and mercy, the discomfort I felt was a sign that there is hope. The thought that I could go through my entire life having a mediocre relationship with God or none at all frightened me into action. Although I’m not completely there yet, I thank God because I am seeing the light, I can, with the power of God, nurse my spirit back to health. I am not yet out of the pit but sitting there feeling sorry for myself is no longer an option.
2 Corinthians 7 talks about godly sorrow which leads to repentance but sorrow of this world leading to death. I experienced that, I was dying, the guilt, the shame all of it killing me slowly. As I may have mentioned the first thing to go was my joy, then my peace of mind, then self control and I continued in a downward spiral. All this whilst on the outside looking as if everything was fine.
Getting out of the pit:
Talk to someone that will encourage you
Stop making excuses, Christ’s blood was shed for the likes of us. Get yourself to His presence and receive grace and mercy.
Find times to pray or read the word randomly through the day and share your experience. Getting the word of God in you is so crucial do not take it for granted.
Follow Him like your life depends on it.
Be thankful, offer songs, words etc to Him.
Remember the story of the prodigal son, the lost sheep, Peter who denied Him 3 times. What they all have in common is that they were found/returned. The same God will seek you out/forgive you too as long as you are willing.
It may feel forced for a while but stick it out. I assure you its worth it.
