Are the words coming out of our mouths betraying our faith? When we speak, when we think, when we react are we allowing Christ to diffuse the fragrance of His knowledge in every place (2 Corinthians 2:14)? Lately I have been asking God to reveal me, to me. I have not been as self aware in terms of pleasing God and being transformed as I believe I should be. I have also not been walking in the faith and power that is freely available to me. It’s almost as if I have been in a very dangerous slumber for the longest time.
This simple yet powerful prayer (Lord show me who I am) was truly inspired by the Holy Spirit. Every single conversation I have with friends, every single action, thought etc seems to now be magnified. I am able to appreciate the good that God in me has accomplished and be repentant for the not so good. Every conversation is evaluated whether I like it or not and I am able to have a working understanding of how the things I do and say have more of an impact than I realise. This magnifying of my deeds is not always welcome. There are times when I am upset that I can’t seem to stop doing certain things. That, however is not of God. God wills for me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind not to be sad because I can’t seem to get it right by my own might. Meaning that it all starts in the mind and with God. Once there was a time that the things I feel a little bit frustrated about now, did not even bother me, I thought it was okay and normal. Now however, I am bothered because it bothers Christ and He has made me aware of it through His word and conviction. He is doing a work in me now that I am pairing faith that He will change me, with actions such as constantly submitting my thoughts to Him and praying without ceasing. After all faith without works is dead right?
God revealing ‘me to me’ also helps me to see the motives behind words and actions and evaluate them, essentially He gave us a sound mind to do such a thing. The links that I had never seen, the grip the past had on me and how much about love I do not understand broke me and continues to break me. I thank God for this, if I had continued in my spiritual coma, I could have ended up far worse off. You see, it isn’t easy to face facts about yourself and break out of the ‘this is how I am, I can’t change’ bondage but we can and we must. All through Christ who strengthens us. The bible lets us know of the importance of laying our hearts bare to the Father and in turn Him showing us what is in there and through this leading us on the right path (Psalm 139:23-24). These heart checks have not been all brokenness and sad times I must say. God has allowed me to be able to reject the labels of man. We so easily take on what people say for the good or bad and begin to walk in it. This is something that God showed me when He made me more conscious of my negative self talk. Nowadays I readily ask myself ‘is this true? if its not true why are they saying it?’ Sometimes I’m surprised that I’m pointed to the state of the person’s heart. In this I am being taught to love and pray for people who try to break me down (it’s not always easy). Other times, they are telling the truth (sometimes a bitter pill to swallow – but I must lol) and that is a call to action for me to ask God to change that part of me that I thought was fine.
Ultimately the aim of this short post is to emphasise the importance of heart checks and knowing the condition of our hearts constantly. What motivated that action, those words? If it wasn’t God, what exactly is going on in this heart of mine? Have I neglected the word, prayer, fellowship etc? There should be a constant dialogue going on in our hearts as we consciously aim to live and be like Him. I am no way near perfection or full transformation but I thank God for the way He has and is continuing to wake me up.