In a world that is obsessed with relationship goals and the conceit of being looked up to as a couple with a relationship that people want to have/aspire towards has left many of us confused and adding/taking away from God’s word. How are we doing this? Well we are not seeking Him for His standard, we are watching others (which is not bad of course but this cannot be our sole source of information). We are not drawing lines where God draws lines we are creating our own rules and regulations. We should seek God for His will over the uniqueness of our circumstance, whether single or in a committed relationship. People are wise, there is no doubt about it but we must be careful what we take in. I know personally trying to use other people’s relationships and start of relationships as a bench mark for what I should be doing and what I should do when the time does come, has left me confused and a tad frustrated. However, moving forward I plan to simply ask God to lead and guide me (James 1:5 – lack wisdom? Ask God, He gives freely). Neither mine nor anybody elses circumstance can be a blueprint but it can be a helpful example, encouragement that following Godly principles is worth it and so on. It can also show us what to do or even not to do pertaining to relationships.
We must be careful not to place anyone in the position of all-knowing authority when it comes to relationships. That is God’s place. We should also not set ourselves in the position of all-knowing authority. Helpful advice and guidance is great and should be welcomed (with wisdom) but nobody knows it all. The bible is great evidence of the fact that no relationship is the same. Taking in what everyone has to say on relationships may leave you feeling how I’ve felt and sometimes still do feel (confused, worried that I’m doing it wrong etc).
Here are some of the many basic biblical principles that I hopefully will use to guide me as a single person and when I do eventually get into a relationship/married (with God’s help):
1) James 1:5 – (If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.) I don’t know it all but I know a God that does, moments of confusion will be taken to Him. If God leads me to ask someone else, then by all means I will but He will be my first port of call (by His grace Amen).
2) Matthew 6:33 – (But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you) earlier in this chapter we are told not to worry about earthly things because God knows just what we need. So whether we are single or in a relationship our number 1 priority is kingdom business. What does this constitute? To the best of my understanding I believe its love (and all that 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that it is) and spreading the gospel of Christ Jesus.
3) 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 – (For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God) these few verses are rather self-explanatory. Self-control is key, it is God’s will for us. We are to be set apart for the better in our conduct as singles or couples.
4) Exodus 20:3 – (you shall have no other gods before me) we must not place people in the position of God, hearing their advice/seeing their actions and judging it by God’s word is the way. Not seeing God’s word and judging it based on what Hansel and Julie are doing. God is the only perfect being. We must also be aware of placing our long awaited partner or current partner in the place of God, its a dangerous slope which only leads outside of God’s will unless our eyes become opened.
I’ve tried to be concise because this was only supposed to be a short introduction to another post lol! However I will gladly expand if anybody wants me to and answer any questions by God’s grace.
On a final note, we were created to be relational (so desiring them is not a bad thing) and when we do not have relationships we often become dissatisfied. Our first relationship is with our Maker (Isaiah 54:5) and if we do not acknowledge this and enter relationships to make us feel better, there will still be a God sized hole to fill. If we use a relationship that we see as a benchmark and it does not quite work out the way we fantasized, we will be back in a state of dissatisfaction.