Proverbs 4:23 – Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it
Working full-time in a deceptively tough environment has opened me up to so many things good and bad. I am more tired, grumpier and unfortunately more negative. I have allowed myself to be sucked into the culture of gossip, nit-picking and a ‘I don’t care attitude’ just because I refuse to remove myself from it because I don’t want to seem anti-social. There is a daily heart struggle between who I want to be and who I am allowing myself to become. It is very clear what state my heart is in by what is leaving my mouth whether I mean it or not. Being ‘light’ (Matthew 5;14) is not a part-time hobby, it’s a full-time job, my light may irritate some but oh well!
I know what I should do, but do I do it? No. I know that all things work out for my good, I know that if I do not grow weary there is a reward for me and I know that everything that I go through is to refine me. But I’m definitely not acting or speaking like I mean it. (Romans 7:19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing)<< This scripture shows that it’s not easy yet I am making it even harder for myself by not being immersed in the word. Sharing my gripes with people who already have a heart at war, smart move? Not one bit!
My days are so busy that when I come home all I want to do is scroll mindlessly through my twitter page, like a few pictures on instagram and sleep, maybe eat occasionally. Why am I not seeking strength and peace in the great provider? I know I feel so much better after a good study of the word or listening to a sermon but I choose aimless activities instead. I’ve left my heart unguarded by the word and things of God so those things are no longer top priority. Reading the bible is sometimes rushed just so I feel better about reading it. That’s not effective, the word is to be digested and meditated upon to have the effects needed. I definitely feel and see a difference when I do such. All the things that have now been able to enter my heart take precedence over my heart being a comfortable residence for the Holy Spirit. I haven’t gotten my recommended dose of the word (whenever and wherever) so now there is pollution. We sometimes try to justify what we do and say as being everyone elses fault, ‘it’s because of what happened to me/what is happening to me that I behave and speak and think this way’.
It’s almost as if I forgot that God is the architect of all these happenings and they have not taken Him by surprise. We are supposed to live by His word no matter what, but it’s not completely in our lives so what then are we living by? He knows how much pain we’ve been through, we can’t use it as an excuse, we should us it as strength. My fault is not guarding my heart, not allowing the word to filter the pollution. The heart determines the course of our lives. Now if what is in the heart is negativity, what do you think the course of ones life will include?Whereas if the heart was filled with God and the heavenly things, the course of our lives would lead to and include such.
On the outside it may seem to others that much hasn’t changed but I definitely feel it and am making the conscious decision to nip it in the bud. How I hope God strengthens me to do such is by searching my heart daily, creating time to know what’s really going on with me because sometimes I feel like I don’t have time to do such. separating myself from the negative people because bad company truly corrupts good character whether we believe it or not. Remembering to do things as if im doing them for God, then when I don’t get the praise I believe I deserve, it won’t bother me. Most important of all I will get the word in me where I can and when I can so I can be pollution free. This is not just for my own benefit, it will hopefully spread to those around me and stop them from polluting themselves and others.Then I can assume the role of being the light and salt in my work place, home and wherever I find myself, like I should be.