I stalled to write this piece. I did not want to lay bare for the world to see and pride told me ‘it’s not that deep.’
To share our weaknesses as well as our strengths is something not to be taken for granted. We sometimes have the life we allow others to see (smiley, ‘God is my strength, faith that can move a mountain’ kind of Christian) and the life of struggle and pain.
This is not what God intended for us to do with our ministries and gifts, He did not intend for us to hide our flaws and weaknesses behind them. Ministering to others and leaving all our issues and challenges to the side all in the name of serving others. When we have finished with others we turn our attention to self and make sure our hearts, minds and actions are practicing what we preach (1st Corinthians 9:27 illustrates this beautifully: No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize). Now I’m not saying wallow in self-pity and let everyone know when something isn’t quite right but I am saying don’t ignore your pain and struggles do not spend your time concealing them until they become unable to hide because that’s when real shame comes. Cast your burdens on Him first and foremost, this burden may then be shared to be prayed about with someone else or as a testimony of faith to another (Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ). It’s no secret that we’re imperfect and struggle from time to time, anybody that reads the bible will know. So why the fronting? Personally it’s not something I was able to see until the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to it. I felt like the eyes of the world were on me and therefore I had to behave a certain way lest I be judged by my peers. Should my focus not have been on the true state of my heart and not the state of my appearance which man sees but God skips as He searches my heart? Don’t get me wrong, who I portray and who I really am are not that much different. I am talking about the struggles I go through yet do not talk about for fear I’ll look weak to those that feel weak and open myself up to criticism. Forgetting that my duty is to first and foremost glorify God, which may come through being vulnerable sometimes, sharing my private testimonies and battles. In my sharing of them I and even just one person could have had a breakthrough or better understanding of God and could have come closer to being in the likeness of Christ. My irrational fear of being judged as an imperfect Christian made me forget that Christ is strong in my weakness and if when I do falter, He is there to guide me back up and I can learn from it all and give the glory back to Him because it was definitely not by my power.
I am not going to begin a journey of unfiltered sharing because that is simply unwise, I am going to begin a path of wisdom fuelled transparency with my brothers and sisters which will help me grow and hopefully help them too. We are human and the very essence of that is imperfection made perfect by grace and grace alone. No amount of cleaning up, burning bridges or solitude can make us perfect. This was only supposed to be a short introduction to my actual blog post but I think it deserves a post of its own. So here it goes, my discovery, through heart searches and revelation I see that my heart has been left unguarded…
(Hope this all made some sort of sense lol)